The Forbidden Kisses Of A Would Be God
by osionide
Summary: LightxL Lemon, L has found himself burdened with a certain fixation that is making it extremely difficult to continue observing Light effectively. From L's POV, Two-shot, Angst with a Happy ending :
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to my very first DN fic and my very first LEMON ever. This fic is based in the observation period of the anime when L & Light are cuffed together. This chapter has now been beta-d by the lovely Yoshimara, who picked out my conflics with the english language for me, any errors within are my own. I hope you enjoy and if you do please leave me a review to make me smile and perform a happy little dance, and of course encourage me to write more.

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and illustrator Takeshi Obata, I make absolutley no money from this work of fiction

The Forbidden Kisses Of A Would Be God

I have wondered now -for a long time- exactly what it would be like to experience your kiss, Light. I am not overly experienced in such matters. They have previously never been of any importance and it is highly plausible when you are to leave my side, I will again cease any interest of such a nature. However as far as I have been able to assess you have a very alluring pair of lips. Not overly full as some women like to fake theirs to be, but not too small, and perfectly evenly shaped. They appear soft, I am certain if I touched them they would feel supple and exquisite against my own fingertips. I have often thought it would be like stroking bundled up satin, warm and resistant, with small imperfections that simply added to the experience. Their colour is also very attractive just a shade or two darker than your skin tone, enough to draw guilty looks from lusting eyes but not too dark they obnoxiously take the beauty away from the liquid sparkles of your eyes.

It is not only at times like these when I allow myself the freedom of mind to think about the pleasure I would receive from placing my own lips against yours. But I must admit when you are so close to me when your body heat cocoons me and your chest presses against mine and I hold your body within myself as you gently but firmly move inside me. It is much -much- more difficult than I would ever care to admit to refrain from my musings about kissing you.

However despite all that I will never let you kiss me.

I do wonder if you have ever contemplated the reason why I withhold my kisses from you. With your intelligence level it is highly unlikely you have never spared a thought as to why. With that said then I wonder why you have never confronted me on the subject. Surely I deserve your anger for refusing you such a basic caress after all the acutely focused attention you shower down upon me. Or has that astounding mind of yours that allows you to wonder my thought patterns freely, already determined the correct conclusion? If it has then I would be forced to raise the percentage of your being Kira by at least another five.

Because the reason I will never kiss you is of course because you are Kira.

If you have reached that conclusion yourself and failed to contest the fact, then I can only assume that you are admitting to guilt and therefore increasing the chances of your relation to Kira.

But that is really not my most pressing concern at this moment in time.

Looking up at the boy above me, his face was flushed and a thin sheen of perspiration was beginning to show on the usually flawless skin. I couldnt help but think that it was quite satisfying to see the normally immaculate young man look just as human as any other in his passion, and all because of me. I noted that his eyes were currently closed and so allowed my eyes to drift down for another guilty look. His lips are mesmerising when he is performing nothing but his usual routines but during intercourse they become so much more. They were red -not their usual pale pink- from where he had bitten them in pleasure usually alongside a musical groan of passion. They also shone from where a small pink tongue had peeked out to run along them as he exerted his body. If I were a weaker man, I would not have resisted leaning up and chasing that teasing tongue back into his mouth where I could have punished it severely with my own tongue and teeth. Often during times like this when I bask in his beauty and know the genius that lies behind it, I wonder why I continue to force myself to be so immoveable around him.

You could complete me in every way Light, if only you werent _him_.

My hands flew up to grasp at his shoulders as the pleasure he had been slowly and attentively stirring in my belly suddenly jumped to a whole new plateau and I gasped out a wordless noise of appreciation. However this spontaneous movement caused the cuffs, which had been lying unobtrusively on the bed beside me to noisily make their presence known. I cursed silently to myself as I felt him pause for just a fraction of a second as the dangling chain rattled in the air. I may not be a weak man but that does not mean I wished to be so blatantly reminded of such burdens with such poor timing, and I am one hundred percent positive that Light shares the same sentiments as myself on this matter.

My prediction is of course correct, reminded of the true reason for his presence here due to my idiotic blunder with the cuffs; his aggression seems to have been stimulated enough to overcome the tenderness he had been treating me with up to this point. Underneath my clutching fingers I felt the tension now laced generously through his muscles. His back arched downwards pulling his chest a little way from my own letting cool air lick unpleasantly over my overheated skin. One leg was grabbed and pulled up to rest over the dip of his elbow before returning his arm to its place beside my shoulder and taking the leg with it. I realised, with a small amount of embarrassment, that this position caused my back side to curve up at the optimum angle for deeper penetration. At this point I undeniably appreciate the fact that I know Light does not have the capacity to become an abusive or selfish lover.

He immediately resumed the comfortable pace we had attained before and I soon found myself settling into to the new position. It was not so unlike my deducing pose as it were, and my legs are quite used to being folded for extended amounts of time, and like this it did not take a large duration of time for him to reach a new level of pleasure. A moan almost dragged itself from his lips and he pressed himself harshly between the cradle of my hips, finally taking full advantage of my splayed legs. The added pressure drove me in short forceful jumps further up the bed, and caused what had been a gentle massage against my prostrate to become an aggressive hit every single time he drove himself home.

The feeling was wonderful yes, but the moan had been what caught my attention. A sexy noise that sent shivers down my back and drew my attention, irresistibly, towards those damn delicious perfect red lips.

Lord Light stop playing with them, are you trying to torture me on purpose? His teeth mercilessly worried at the fragile flesh as he fought against the sensations accumulating in his belly. Do you realise how badly I wish to taste them, are you purposely rubbing my refusal to act on my desires in my face? An uninhibited moan left me as a sharp canine bit down savagely on the plump flesh.

Light, more...please! Am I asking for more penetration or more teasing? Hell if I am aware of that at this particular point in time, as my cock is being squeezed delightfully between us with the tempo of his movements. A yell escapes me as that traitorous pink tongue once again darts out from his mouth at the same time as he lengthens his thrusts, and I am unable to hold back the flood of pleasure from the dual stimulation of my prostrate and my obsession. I finish as he continues to move harshly inside me and through the haze of passion, as my muscles spasm and my cock jerks between us, I cannot force my gaze away from the delectable show before my eyes. He moans and trembles in rapture above me as my body ripples around him and carries his pleasure higher and higher.

At my final strangled gasp he pauses, the tension in his frame almost an audible entity thrumming through his body, and with laboured breathing he gives me a few seconds to collect myself before lowering his torso down to rest on his elbows and relive some of his weight. If I just reached out, just a few inches with either of my hands I could touch them. Wouldnt it be okay just this once? But, if I touch them will he take it as an invitation, will he try to kiss me again? Will I be forced to reject him yet again? I took the risk sliding my finger those last precious few inches along his damp skin to gently rest their tips atop the soft lips. Just like satin, wet satin from the actions of his tongue. Blissful. His breathing hitched against his will and radiant amber eyes opened to stare contemplatively down at me for a long moment as I obsessively stroked his lips, before dismissing me from his gaze once more and beginning his thrusts again.

It seems he has given up trying to kiss me...I am sorry, Light.

His movements continued faster and less orchestrated than previously as he allowed his passion to escalate beyond the point of no return. Now that he had given me my own climax he was finally prepared to work for his own. Even in anger you are a very thoughtful lover Light, I do love that about you. I wonder if Kira is as attentive a lover as you are and I also sincerely hope I will never have the opportunity to find out. Regretfully I re-moved my questioning fingers from their target filing away my feelings for later review and enjoyment and apologetically trailed them up and through the silky strands of honey hair. Resting the blessed hand at the nape of his neck I bestowed tentative caresses of supplication that I hoped would convey my contriteness effectively, because_ -_I know- I really am no good with words in times such as these. Even so I still decided that the experience had been entirely too short.

But how long can the forbidden really last?

I relaxed to his movements and arched my back just a little to give him free reign over my body. It would not take long for him to reach his own climax and I wanted to revel in the intoxicating sight of Light thread by thread- unravelling before my very eyes until he was nothing more than want and passion. I loved it when the veil of perfection he encased himself in became torn completely to shreds and all that remained was Light, the _real_ Light. The honest boy who even I had trouble believing to be Kira. A long moan escaped his throat and his free hand slipped from its hold on the sheet at my head to curl around my back roughly pulling my body towards him with every flex of his hips. Quiet exclamations of pleasure sounded rhythmically in my ears while his increasing thrusts against me rocked my body faster as he neared his own climax. Pulling my other hand from his shoulder I reached up and wrapped them tightly around his back clinging to him in his last few seconds.

His eyes open and he looks down at me, a picture of lustful fantasy as he comes. His hips lose all rhythm just pushing and _pushing _closer and deeper, and the pressure against my back becomes almost desperate as the arm around my shoulders convulsively contracts in pleasure trapping me in his embrace. His chest heaves and his muscles struggle to keep him elevated - a losing battle- and falling back to my body I am finally wrapped snugly in his warmth again. He pants heavily against me, I can feel the hot breath against the skin of my shoulder and I pull him closer his weight a solid and comforting presence against and inside my body. I let him lay there as long as he wants as the sweat on our bodies dry and the tension drains from his frame after his orgasm.

Several minutes later, after our breathing has evened and our heart beats slowed he moves for the first time since his climax. Wrestling with tired arms he ungracefully might I add- fights them underneath himself and pushes back to his elbows. His weight shifts to rest against my stomach and hips and causes a shiver of excitement to race through my nerves caused by our still joined state. This time his eyes clearly proclaim their sadness. Sadness of which, I am the undeniable cause.

L... Just a whisper, almost a plea. His face slowly begins to lower to mine and I feel a momentary panic as those perfect pink lips draw closer to me, my eyes fixed on that one point of entrapment, that one weakness! My breath quickens and my heart begins to thump harder than it had even at the apex of my passion. I thought he had given up. I have made it unarguably clear over and over that I will not allow such an act to occur.

Because...he is Kira.

It takes a ridiculous amount of will but eventually, as his lips come within less than an inch of my own I turn my face to one side and I feel the adored flesh come to rest lightly against my cheek.

No, you cannot kiss me Light because to kiss me would be to love you and I cant love you.

I am going to kill you, Kira

Please Light, dont hate me.

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Well? Theres no better way to encourage a new author than to tell me what you think so everybody, R&R please please please.

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	2. Alternate Ending

Hello again, well everyone that commented said what a sad ending it was and I suddenly thought 'You know what? They're right!'. I know it was supposed to be a oneshot but I just can't stand sad endings. This is not exactly a new chapter but an alternate ending to the previous chapter, which you can choose to read or not and which's ending will ultimately be a little happier than the previous one. It is going to become a three shot but the third instalment may be a little time in coming as I am new and had mucho problems writing this chapter and want a nice relaxing rest before tackling the next one. However reviews could convince me to get over it quicker *looks longingly at the review counter* Whichever way the ending will eventually appear 

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and illustrator Takeshi Obata, I make absolutely no money from this work of fiction.

The Forbidden Kisses Of A Would Be God - Alternate Ending

"L...." Just a whisper, almost a plea. His face slowly begins to lower to mine and I feel a momentary panic as those perfect pink lips draw closer to me, my eyes fixed on that one point of entrapment, that one weakness! My breath quickens and my heart begins to thump harder than it had even at the apex of my passion. I thought he had given up. I have made it unarguably clear over and over that I will not allow such an act to occur.

Because........he is Kira.

It takes a ridiculous amount of will but eventually, as his lips come within less than an inch of my own I turn my face to one side and I sense the adored flesh come to a halt just above my cheek. Slight relief flooded me. If they had actually come to rest against my skin there is an uncomfortably high percentage that I would have been unable to resist turning my head to receive them properly. Having my single temptation so close, to have them actually touching me, would have been my undoing.

The relaxed haze hanging lazily over the room was instantly permeated by a tense aura. It would have been fanciful for me to describe it as being tangible, but it was certainly distasteful, and for a moment I allowed a rush of cold regret to take me as I mourned the passing of our state of post-coital bliss. He is no doubt upset that I have again thwarted his attempt to kiss me, however it is an unfortunate necessity.

I don't do this to insult you Light. It's simply that kissing is more than just a caress, it's a promise. An act that should only be performed under the trust of honest affection or, at least that is what I have determined. It's a promise you can't grant me, I do not trust you. Your lips while considerably more tempting than strawberry cake are deceitful, I don't want you to deceive me with kisses also.

I hope you will react in the same way as you have previously; haughtily brush this off and continue your normal pursuits. However, no matter how much one bases his life in science and reason, sometimes the universe makes it its business to throw an almighty steel rod in the gears.

"L, I wan-

"I have no desire for further physical intimacy with you tonight," I interrupted the hesitant voice without thought, centering my gaze away from him and those instruments of the devil that had just dropped open in surprise with my callous statement. "So if you would let me up we should go to the bathroom, if memory serves you like to bathe after sex."

He doesn't move even an inch, or speak a word. I think it is safe to assume I have shocked him quite profusely which, is precisely what I intended. Had I let him continue he would have undoubtedly demanded explanations of which I was not yet -and possibly never would be- willing to provide the answers for. There would be absolutely no merit in being drawn into a discussion about the motives behind my refusal to kiss him.

Though, with such a statement I should really have been anticipating suitable retribution. However due to the fact my concentration was on keeping my eyes _off_ of him, I did not see the way his whole body stiffened and trembled in anger at my cruel dismissal, or note the fist that was hurtling directly at my face

_Crack!_

Needless to say that definitely succeeded in capturing my attention, Light.

"That…Hurt…" I ground out, lifting an arm and bringing my hand to cradle my throbbing cheek. Despite the pain I spare a second to appreciate that he had enough control of himself to refrain from using his left hand; the snap back from the chain would have been terribly painful.

"Oh really?" The blow to his pride and the incident with the cuffs being compounded with the embarrassment from my casual dismissal serves to make him almost growl in his throat. All traces of fatigue absent he pulls himself to his knees slamming a hand down on the mattress besides my head. Then with no regard for the fact that he had just delivered a powerful right hook to my face he grabs my chin between his fingers roughly yanking my face back to his. For some inexplicable reason I can't help but think I deserve this pain, after all my comments obviously caused more suffering than I had intended.

I brought my gaze up to rest steadily on his own, eyes that no longer reflected the calmness of water stared back at me, sparks of fiery anger swirled viciously within them. I do not want to deal with your anger Light, you have no reason to become so riled up. You are perfectly aware of the fact that you are my primary suspect and as such, cannot object to my right to keep you –in all ways other than physically- at a length of substantially more than five foot. I raised the arm not cupping my cheek and pressed my forearm across his chest pushing against him.

"I do not condone these actions Light, I would appreciate it if you removed yourself from my personal space at once. Should you refuse I will have no choice but to evict you myself." My detached demeanour betrayed none of my internal conflict.

"I don't think so L. I am tired of this tedious routine of yours." The words emerged controlled, belying the anger in his face. "It was interesting at first, I thought with enough patience I would be able to temp you into cooperating but now......now it's just annoying!" I had no idea Yagami Light was capable of snarling but those last few words had lowered in a loss of control that could be described in no other way.

"Whatever you may be thinking is irrelevant to me at this particular moment." I stated increasing my efforts to escape his grip and push him away from me. So does Light actually understand why I don't kiss him? Nevertheless I suppose the fact that he has finally chose to challenge my behavior means that I cannot use this as evidence to raise the percentage of him being Kira, at least not as much as I had hoped.

In retaliation he makes use of his superior position to grab my wrists and jerk my arms back to pin them above my head. His grip while tight is not painful, if I truly wanted to I could escape easily. Then why aren't I? Assuming I am quick enough with his knelt position between my legs I have just enough space to bring up one foot and kick him off. But I've already dealt what is proving to be a debilitating mental blow; I don't really want to hurt him anymore.

"Light I refuse to carry out this discussion in such a position and I will not be held responsible for my actions should you continue to ignore my request." Just _move_ for God's sake. The heated pulsing underneath my eye was becoming irritating and the uncomfortable feeling of the flesh swelling as it began to bruise only helped to detract from my patience. Still I heard nothing but silence from the boy above me.

"You will release me immediately, Light!" My own anger finally becoming projected.

".......I won't." The previously furious tone now sounded to be calming into a semblance of sanity.

"Light you are beginning to aggravate me. Don't think because of the act that just occurred between us I will refrain from forcing the issue." I threatened lowly.

"I told you," His voice softening further and calm relaxing his face. "I refuse. I have already formed a theory as to why you are doing this but, I won't move until you yourself explain."

Enough is enough. I can understand a certain amount of ire and rebellion after the unemotional answers I have provided him with, but flat out refusal to my demands is unacceptable. As he had relaxed, his hold on my wrists was becoming looser and so tensing I was able to haul my arms up a foot levering his torso up along with them. Then with him high enough I pushed my flexibility to its limits to flinging one leg out and up in a semi-circle to strike with perfect accuracy with my heel right in the jaw. The momentum of my kick sent both of us flying, him loudly hitting the hard floor and I following the arc, ended up sprawled on my front half on half off the bed.

The abrupt change in position dizzied me for a second and I heard a low groan from somewhere below and behind me.

"Godammit Ryuzaki! Was that -really- necessary!?"

Odd, he did not usually call me by my pseudonym outside the hearing of the other members of the task force, and that annoying air-headed girlfriend of his. He must be quite resentful of that hit, but it had to hurt or it would not have been an effective deterrent.

"An eye for an eye, Light." I muttered instead as I heaved up and looked over my shoulder, to find him pulling himself up from his back and lifting a slightly shaking arm to gingerly nurse his jaw.

"In that case I owe you at least two more."

I froze as I became aware for the first time exactly where my hit landed. The smooth flesh at the left of his mouth quickly began to swell and discolour. I hadn't thought when I initiated the attack, I just wanted to target the most effective place to move him and if you move the head the body never fails to follow. But how could I target him _there_ off all places.

"Did you think I would let you keep me there like that? Action was required as you were not adhering to my request."

He sighed "You are right L, I should have let you up when you first asked. However if I was going to get any answers out of you I needed to be the one with the power, just for a few moments."

"Then you went about it in the wrong way." I stated blandly, rolling back onto my haunches and rising to my feet, I noted my foot and knee were throbbing slightly. The hit -while effective- had not been the most perfectly executed my knee had been bent far beyond the required safety limit. Understandable, all things considered.

"I know, I was mistaken but, I was _mad_." He looked up at me. "So you're up, will you explain now?"

"You still expect me to explain myself after how unreasonable your conduct?" I am being deliberately obtuse, I know. Can he really expect anything less from me though?

"Don't answer my question with a question L." He murmured, likely due to the fact both hands were pressing hard on his jaw to soothe the ache. The pose caused remorse and worry to shoot through me as I realized there was a high probability I could have fractured his jaw. Favoring my right foot I quickly crouched at his side and reached out to pull his hands away from the injury meaning to inspect it, but fixing me with and intense 'back off' look he jerked his head back clutching his hands tighter.

"Don't be childish Light." I chastised leaving my hands hanging in mid-air.

He glared up at my outstretched hands torn between whether to willfully reject the offer or let it slide, before sighing once again dropping his arms and grudgingly moving his chin back into my reach.

Clasping him and tilting his head to the side so I could view it more clearly I pressed my fingertips lightly against the rapidly growing bruise. Gently skimming along the skin and probing the injury I determined it was going to leave a hell of a mark, but it was not fractured nor would hinder his ability to speak or eat _too_ badly.

"It is going to take about a week and a half to heal but it will mend fine. Perhaps you will think twice before pulling a stunt like this again Light." I spoke a little condescendingly while retracting my arms from him.

As I was bent I turned and reached for my jeans lying slumped in a pile next to the bed. Cleaning up would have to wait. I could not currently chance removing him from my scope of personal observation, not until he had returned to his normal mental state. His mask cracks rarely and his current instability may allow something to slip that could be vital to proving his guilt.

With my jeans hanging from one hand I turned back to him and absently offered the other to help him up. The physical fight was over, there shouldn't be any further need to continue the hostility between us. He glared suspiciously at the outstretched arm for a second before extending his own out to grasp mine and letting me pull him back to his feet with myself. That done I set about re-dressing, though it was mildly un-nerving to feel his eyes boring into my back.

"So, I'm good enough to fuck but not good enough to kiss?" My eyes widened in surprise, the completely neutral statement had actually floored me as I was not expecting it at all. Thinking quickly I carefully chose my words as I answered him.

"The body has needs of which you are a welcome part of sating." Denying his claim would only make him more adamant, so a reply that gave him no effective answer was the best course of action. "However one does not need to kiss in order to perform the act, it is a pleasant extension to fornication that -I am given to understand- promises something more, and is therefore unnecessary between us.

"More?"

"Yes, a kiss is something that one is able to perform publically with their lovers and can therefore display a certain degree of possession, and while not as physically satisfying can be emotionally considered more important than the sexual act itself."

"And you, don't you want me to give you this 'more' L?" He asked quietly.

I remained silent and shoved my hands into my pockets, the familiar position comforting even if I could not risk going into my usual crouch. I don't want to lie to you Light but I will if you press the issue and it becomes a necessity.

"Then what if I decide I am going to _take_ one. Maybe if you looked outside that little black box in your head you'll see that _I _want 'more'. "

My heart beats a little faster as the confession emerges from his sweet lips. Do you want more, Light? Or is this a ploy to lure me into becoming emotionally dependent on you before your true face shows. I'm sorry I can not approve such a handicap at this point in the game, though I wonder if you would be able to make good on your threat? With my tenacity the only way you could possibly kiss me would be to force one on me. Though our styles are different our strengths are evenly matched. I predict there being a 50/50 chance that you could pin me if I came within range of your fists, however to do that you would have to overcome my kicks which have a much superior reach.

"You do not have the right to force me to engage in anything physically that I do not wish to participate in."

" 'Do not wish to participate in'? Don't insult my intelligence L. Do you think I'm oblivious? With the way you stare at my mouth how can you possibly 'not wish to participate' in it!"

"I 'stare' at various parts of your anatomy at random times so there is no basis for that assumption, furthermore I have no intent nor interest in kissing you, Light" And so the lie makes itself present.

"STOP LYING!" The sheer volume of that statement shocked me and brought me round to face him. Of course I've heard him raise his voice before, but never quite to this level. Removing my hands from my pockets I hunched my back further and spread my arms slightly for balance as Light seemed to gear up for an assault, similarly prepared for either verbal or physical combat.

"You call me the liar but in reality, it's you!" Anger indignation and hurt pride resounded in is voice. Please Light just let it drop I find these type confrontations with you unappealing and extremely unrewarding.

Wait a minute……Me? Not that he is incorrect but I do admit to a certain amount of curiosity as to how he has reached his conclusion. The many intricacies of his mind does always fascinate me to the point that sometimes I can't help but participate in my own defeat.

"Why would you have cause to believe I am lying Light?"

"You are a private person L, you hide yourself from the world and exist as a letter from your damn computer yet, not only did you decide you were going to chain me indefinitely _five feet_ from your side, you chose to allow a physical relationship with me. Christ you damn well propositioned me! Therefore you are lying and seemingly just for the hell of it, _being an asshole_!"

A simple reasoning. I must admit to slight disappointment Light, I thought your deductive potential was much more advanced than this.

"Have you explored the possibility I may have asked you simply due to the fact that you were convenient?" I winced mentally, even with my obvious lack of social skills I could tell that had not been the most tactful statement.

Livid anger blossomed on his face. His voice was low and dangerous and….hurt?

"Don't you dare belittle me L. I am just as intelligent as you are if not more so, and I know exactly why you are doing this. Would you like me to elaborate on that theory? I can set it all out on the table without your assistance if it so pleases you."

Call it self-destructive curiosity but despite the fact I know I am setting myself up, I am eager to know exactly what his reasons were to come to this point. Light has proven repeatedly that he can easily follow my thought patterns; I want to find out if he is right.

"Then if you wouldn't mind 'elaborating' I am curious to discover precisely what you think you know about me."

"Fine! If you were callous and emotionally detached enough that you placed no value on your body and you considered sex 'convenient', then it stands to reason that you would also place no value on something as insignificant as a kiss. What need has someone will sleep with anyone to hold kisses in such high regards? They would be handed out freely and mean absolutely nothing to you. Contrary to this, you have stated that kisses mean something 'more'. Add this to the fact that you keep all people at arm's length, you detest even the simplest of casual touches, and you cannot abide people intruding on your radius of personal space, it can be assumed the opposite extreme in which you place too much value on your body can also be believed to be correct. That is not the behavior displayed by a man who does not care about his body, or who he sleeps with!

"Therefore, you DO place value on your body and as you allow me to touch you mine also, and as both kisses and your body are important to you if I am worthy of your body, I am worthy of your kisses also. In other words if I was nothing to you, you would NOT refuse to kiss me. The fact that you are refusing proves that it and I mean SOMETHING, that for some INANE reason you are refusing to do it, and that YOU are the one who is being deceitful…..NOT me!

"You are eccentric L, brilliant cunning and to a very prominent extent unfeeling. But there is a methodology and a reason to every -single- thing you do and I can follow it around your mind just as easily I can follow your footsteps down to the investigation room. Just try and tell me I'm wrong."

His chest was heaving with likely from high levels of adrenaline that would have been released to fuel his anger and this confrontation. I must admit Light, you got me.

"Well done Light, you are correct. I was unsure confirming I held kisses in high regard would lead to this trail of reasoning. For the record while sex is an important part of a relationship it is based on physical attraction and desire. I believe kissing to be an entirely different and more emotionally based form of intimacy in relation to sex."

After all you don't have to kiss to make love, you kiss because you love.

"You are also correct in the fact that I would not permit just anybody to touch me and that you have garnered that right. However, that still does not give me any solid reason to allow kissing if I should choose not to. Even if it is an act I would like to experience, what I do or do not do with my body is my prerogative not yours."

"You mean to tell me that you like me, you enjoy my mind and find pleasure in my body, you'll let me come _inside_ you! But, you would find it distasteful to kiss me?"

To my mortification I could feel a bush beginning in my chest that rose quickly up my neck and blossomed in my cheeks. Did you have to state that quite so plainly Light? I thought I was the one with 'zero social skills'.

"I don't often consider your logic to be muddled but in this case L?........You are totally screwed up. I fit all the expected criteria for a lover except for this." He lifted his arm and loudly jangled the chain attached to the ever present cuffs. "So then, tell me if I am also correct in my assumption about this 'inane' reason you're being so difficult. I have no evidence to base this on as I have not witnessed your behaviour around previous lovers, but I can say with almost one hundred percent accuracy that _none_ of them were chained to you under suspicion of being a psychopath. So, because of this chain and, -what was it?- thirteen percent, you've decided to spite yourself and refuse the one thing that has the possibility of giving you a medium of happiness."

"That……that is also correct." Goddamit Light don't patronize me. "So now you understand why I am refusing to kiss you."

"I understand but do not like or accept it. I will not be used by you L. This is going to change."

"Would it not be easier then to simply call an end to this farce of a relationship?" I countered then stifled the almost irresistible urge to slap my hand over my mouth. _Why_ did I just say that, do I want him to walk away from me?

"In that case tell me of one other person that has the ability to make or has made you feel like I have proven I can. Just one, who could stimulate both your mind and body as I do." Smug confidence radiated in his voice.

Ah, the arms have been crossed, the physical equivalent of the metaphorical foot coming down.

"………………………………."

"Having problems L?" He quipped.

"It is a very short list Light." I mumbled quietly. Truthfully I had not yet thought of one who could be classified as fulfilling both criteria, one or the other certainly but not both.

"It's a fucking non-existent list L and you are perfectly aware of that. I am not about to let you throw me away because of this obsession you have about my identity as Kira!"

"But I am thirteen percent certain-

"And _eighty-seven_ percent uncertain!" He yelled in indignation his arms sweeping out as if to attack something before stiffening dropping to the bed and seeming to collapse in on himself. His voice quieted and his head fell so that his chin was nearly resting on his chest, hands that had held me tightly only minutes ago clutched at the rumpled sheets as if trying to gain support from them. Other than when I had held him under suspicion in the quarantine cells I have never seen him look so dejected. My breath hitched in my throat as I witnessed his confusion, and sadness. I have never wanted Light to look like this. He is strong and proud and self-assured. This is _not_ what I want.

"Usually it takes only a percentage of sixty, sometimes less, for one to justify taking a chance." The statement came out forcefully calm and…………..hollow?

"Am I really, not worth the risk?" He whispered.

The distress present in his voice tore at my conscience, and viciously squeezed my heart. For a moment in the face of such brutal sadness it felt as if my much ignored human morals were physically trying to beat my logical mind back with a brick. I had no idea he felt this way. He has never once before acted like my refusal to accept that simple caress affected him so greatly. I was totally unaware he felt so depressed, believed he was being used.

I'm not using him. My mind fought back. I am simply taking the necessary precautions to preserve my life until the resolution of this case. I cannot allow emotions to contaminate my judgment. Not until Kira has been apprehended.

So, does that mean I have the right to protect myself from a thirteen percent threat at the cost of this young man's happiness? Who in all fairness could be innocent of the crimes I am so adamant in blaming him for.

A young man, who captivates me.

Who fulfils me.

Who _understands_ me.

I knew this would happen Light. It's almost as if I am obstinately ignoring my own convictions just so I can deceive myself in to believing it is acceptable to submit to you.

_Yes_, you are worth the risk Light.

But I won't tell you that, not yet. When we catch Kira, when side by side we both look upon him bound in chains, then I'll tell you, just how much I would gladly risk for you. How much you really mean to me.

"Alright Light, a kiss." I agreed hesitantly and softly.

And a promise.....Don't lie to me......Don't break it.'

I caught the happiness that glimmered in his face as a small hopeful and slightly relieved smile blessed his features. Despite the bruise spreading out from those amazing tempting lips it was beautiful. I reached out to apologetically stroke my fingers over it. This time he did not flinch back and even as I revelled for a few seconds in the ability to touch that which had caused this whole situation, I could not ease the sense foreboding that nagged at the back of my mind.

The thought that screamed at me I have just agreed to allow myself to become emotionally attached to _Kira_.

But _Light_ was worth the risk. I have already admitted that to myself and to deny that which I have already admitted would make me a mad man. I have been called extreme multiple times but I am not a mad man.

He purposefully stood up and I suddenly understood exactly what the expression 'butterflies in the stomach' meant. Of course I have kissed people before, there are very few who live up to my requirements but they do exist. However this was different, this was _Light_, -possibly Kira- the man who not only fulfilled my expectations, he damn well bulldozed through them. He is unique. He is the only one I desperately desire and also the only one I should never consider.

All this passed through my head as he stood quietly before me waiting for acknowledgement. Then as my hands began to lower he caught them in his and -while deftly pulling me close to him- guided them the rest of the way around his neck before running his fingers back down bare arms and tickling down my back. I felt them tighten as they reached my waist and pull me into a gripping embrace flush against each other -tight and inescapable- as if he never intends to let go.

Un-haltingly but slowly he moved his head closer to mine. Though I wish I could have kept my eyes on his amber depths I weakened and dropped them to track the journey of my points of obsession, unable to take my eyes away from the mesmerising sight. Anticipation built in my belly, made the muscles in my legs twitch against my will and my hands tighten and tremble against his neck.

And he places his lips against mine for the first time.

A fleetingly innocent touch before he increases the pressure and hesitantly begins exploring in small tentative movements. I absently thought that it was as if he was attempting to reassure me that this was acceptable, that it was right. The soft caress continues persistent and coaxing and a few moments is all it takes before his patience is rewarded. Under his caresses I shiver and relax against him as I am teased and intoxicated by his steady motions and with my surrender his kiss gains confidence. I feel one hand leave my waist to trail up my back and grasp lightly at my hair, pulling and anchoring me closer to him as his lips slanted harder over my own.

I was right in that kisses are an entirely different feeling of intimacy though I was wrong on the second account. With Light, kissing –even this slightly awkward first kiss- are just as 'satisfying' as sex itself. Would it be pathetically romantic of me to dream that as long as I always have his kisses I could put up with all other complications that stem from him? Kira or not.

What felt like seconds but must have in reality been many minutes later, all the tension drained from his frame. Reluctantly he pulled away from me, hovering so close that with the minute movements of our breathing our lips were still sweetly brushing against each other. His eyes flicker as he searches my own and I instinctively feel the need to rush forward and connect us once more, but I wonder if Light has stopped because he wishes to say something. Just don't speak Light..........don't break this spell you have cast over me. Not yet.

He doesn't, instead he smiles and for once it looks real. I wish I knew what decision you have come to Light. His hands reach back to where my fingers have knotted in his hair and he pulls away from me long enough to carefully manoeuvre me back into my earlier position on the bed. Almost as if he believed I was suddenly going to become spooked and bolt, before leaning over me and back down to possessively take control of my lips again. I could not stop myself from lifting my hands to press against his cheeks letting myself be lost in the feeling of the increasingly passionate movements of my fixation against me. A strong urge to touch them even now as they danced against me overcame my attempt at control and as such, I was thusly reminded of the swelling decorating the side of his mouth.

This kiss you have finally won from me must be painful, Light.

I assure you, it's painful for me too.

This forbidden kiss of a would be god.

.


End file.
